A Cycle

[amarie24]

Me: -takes my goddamned Buspar as faithfully as I can every 12hrs, divided at 8am & 8pm-

Goddamned Buspar: -just makes me a lil woozy-headed when I take it at 8pm, but otherwise faithfully does its job of keeping me halfway in that cloud where Nervous Breakdown Monster can't come back to get me-

Goddamned Buspar: -but also knocks me the fuck out when I take it at 8am & is so powerful that I often can't fight off the sudden, dizzying exhaustion & have no choice but to sleep it off...sometimes for a full 8hrs so I lose nearly an entire day & my sleep schedule stays fucking flip-flopped-

Me: -quietly decides to only take goddamned Buspar once @ 8pm, especially after only taking a short nap (less than 3hrs for me) during the afternoon & fully expects to sleep through the night when I plop into bed at 11pm-

Goddamned Buspar: -is somehow to blame for me suddenly waking in the middle of the night, hoping it's at least 4am-

Me: -rolls over, picks up my phone, & sees that it's only a little after 1am-

Me: -struggles & fails to fall back asleep for 2hrs straight, alternately reading on my laptop & listening to soothing music from my phone-

Me: -gives up when 3am hits and I am H.U.N.G.R.Y for anything with Too Much Sugar and/or Too Much Salt, and so I am pigging out like I haven't eaten in days-

Me: -but still struggles to garner an appetite & eat enough during the daytime-

Goddamned Buspar: -is probably laughing at me while it still gets paid about $11 at the pharmacy to make my sleeping cycle a flip-flopped living hell-

Me: -is creating this journal entry at 4:58am, by the way-




--Amarie

Comments

[amarie24]

...It'd better be, or Imma sue my own brain, I swear unto the Melanin Goddess!!