I Can’t Believe I’m Talking About Star Wars Again

[amarie24]

Possible Major Spoiler Warnings



Okay, first things first? Gotta emphasize this disclaimer: I am not a Star Wars person. Or a sci-fi person in general. At all. Whatsoever.

But! Red and I were talking in my celebratory Star Wars thread a while ago and we got into talking about Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker. Specifically, we got to talking about how if Darth Vader could’ve just stayed his ass at the house being a househusband to Senator Padmé and a stay-at-home dad to Leia and Luke, he wouldn’t have gone on the Sith path. Nope, nope!

…This is how much of a sentimental dork I am.

I think of one of white pop culture’s paragons for evil, find out that he has twins and a wife when I research a bit…and I daydream about him being a househusband and stay-at-home dad with my friends.

This is your blog mistress, dears. Pay attention. Pay close, close attention.

Hell, I even had a conversation with another friend about how Darth Vader could heat the bathwater for Leia and Luke before their bedtime. I…naively suggested that he could use his lightsaber, since it’s hot. But she kindly informed me (and I was reading its Wikipedia page at the same time) that that is not a good idea. Because, see, lightsabers are lasers so hot that they cauterize wounds as they cut.

Yikes! They are not bath water-heating material!

So on a side note…does anyone have any idea of how Darth Vader could heat up Leia and Luke’s bath water before their bedtime? I’ve looked into the Force, but outside of moving, levitating, fighting and mind controlling, I don’t see anything could be used to heat up bath water for little kids! Do any of you have ideas besides, uhh…just adjusting the hot water knob, LOL?

…He could use his lightsaber to cook Padmé some dinner, right? I mean, that could be faster than a stove and Padmé is a senator that has some very, very long, tiring days at the office and she’d need dinner immediately.

…Right?

-ahem- Moving on.

But, it turns out that I’m not the only sentimental dork thinking of Darth Vader raising his kids! Everyone, please say hello to Mr. Jeffrey Brown’s work, which I am thrilled to have found! He has written children’s books that humorously show what life would be like if Darth Vader had been taking care of Leia and Luke from the beginning. Here is Vader’s Little Princess, which focuses on him and little Leia. Then we have Darth Vader and Son, which focuses on him and little Luke. And finally, there is Goodnight Darth Vader, which shows poor Darth Vader trying to get his wittle rambunctious twins to go to sleep.

Ahhhh, this is everything I never knew I wanted out of Star Wars! I don’t have any money for books right now, but I absolutely love everything I’ve seen in the samples. Red and I were talking about searching-and sadly not finding or having the time to produce ourselves-some fanfiction featuring daddy!Darth Vader. But now I find out that someone has actually published books on it and it’s just oh-so wonderful! –SQUEEE!!!!-

Now for the spoiler alert!!!

So this fascinating gem came across my dash earlier this morning. It’s quite mind-blowing because it’s a fan that speculates that…Jar Jar is Supreme Leader Snoke! Who, like, is the baddest of the baddest of the baddest of the baddest of all Dark Sith Lords? Like, not even that ugly pasty ass Darth Insidious/Palpatine tops him! OMFG, I read through it and I thought it was so incredible that I just had to share! Hell, I even heard of the thrilling Twitter response to this fan meta from a Mr. Ahmed Best, who I understand was the actor to motion capture Jar Jar originally?

What do you all think about this? This sounds so cool!!!

/Also still on what Darth Vader would use to heat up the bath water and cook Padmé’s dinner. I mean…he’s a Force-using guy, isn’t he? Surely there’s something cooler than just a stove or a hot water knob…

Comments

[wingedbeast]

The thing about that is that I don't notice, in the movies at least, any Force Users who are Force Users on the side. Either their Jedi (an ascetic order of knights) or Sith (devotees of passion). Their respective creeds start off to show their extremity.

Jedi: There is no emotion, only peace.
Sith: Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

That said, hate isn't the only passion. And, the ex-slave-boy could have had a passion of love and a passion of compassion for those who are still slaves, even a passion for the abolition of the practice. And, then, a passion for democratic reform. I'm sorry, Padme, but monarchies... still?

In short, the problem shouldn't have to be solved by Anakin giving up on his personal ambitions. Regardless of whether or not the alternative is a noble way in its own right, it's not his way. It could have been solved with a better way of bringing balance to the Force, by getting the Jedi council to come to *ahem* peace with the fact that the Dark Side is an essential and even healthy part of life.

Shameless plug for my Case for Remaking Star Wars. http://wingedbeast.dreamwidth.org/40319.html

Oh, and she's a rich, rich princess. She can afford personal chefs and a droid who's only job is keeping the water the perfect temperature.

[redsixwing]

Oh gosh those book previews are pure gold. <3 All the scenes where Vader's terrifying authority is subverted by not being willing to get all Dark Side in front of his kids. Ahahaha!

Well, given what we know of the Force (from the movies and Extended Universe novels, of which I have read an embarrassing number... hey, Star Wars is my flavor of brain popcorn!) - the stove and the hot water knob probably are his best options! xD

The Force isn't really great at the kind of fine manipulation to make heat, but he could probably flip eggs or make a perfect fried steak every time, sans spatula.

I will have to check out that Reddit link when I get home! :DD
Going to laugh so very hard if the most despised character in the prequels turns out to be THE major threat.

Did you see this article with move-by-move comparison of Jar Jar's 'accidental' successes in combat to a Drunken Master's 'sloshing' moves? Oh. My. Word.

[silveradept]

The Brown books are great - and available at the library, most likely. I've read them.

As for that speculation, if it's true, we still have a lot to complain about with Jar Jar's handling in the Phantom Menace. First, the audience will feel like there wasn't an actual chance to deduce this conclusion. Jar Jar is a non-humanoid creature - his jumping could be something to do with Gungan musculature. Jar Jar becomes a Senator (Ambassador?) from Naboo when Palpatine becomes Chancellor, so being seen with him isn't out of the ordinary. The Phantom Menace could refer to the Trade Federation blockade, a false flag operation designed to get sympathy for a more autocratic government. Jar Jar doesn't mysteriously crack his comedic relief facade temporarily in any places.

There aren't, as best I can tell, any parts that can't be explained through more mundane methods than having to make Jar Jar a Sith Lord. There isn't that one weird thing that refuses to have another explanation.

If it happens, things will likely be seen primarily as trying to make Jar Jar more interesting, rather than as following the plot that's that were dangled in the previous movies.

That, and Machete Order will have to rework itself somewhat. Probably Episode I before Episode VII.

[tinygrainofrice.wordpress.com]

1) the Jedi/Sith divide reminds me strongly (because I'm THAT flavor of geek) of the Seelie/Unseelie courts in Changeling: the Dreaming :) Unseelie have a reputation, like the Sith, of being evil; unlike Star Wars, however, the makers of the game recognize that their actual defining feature is that they value passion and freedom over order and peace. So while yes, that makes SOME of them selfish unpredictable bastards, not all passion is harmful (just as not all order is good.) I wish we'd been able to see some recognition of that among the Sith.

2) The theory about Jar Jar is GLORIOUS and reminds me of one of my favorite gaming stories, about someone accepting a challenge to create an absolutely terrifying Gungan. (I've been trying to write it out, but I'm not sure I can do justice to both the dialect and the sheer cool controlled menace in the voice over text...)

[pebblerocker]

Oh wow, those daddy Darth Vader books are adorable!

Let me help you with that Star Wars problem you're starting to have. You definitely don't want to watch any Star Wars movies, no indeed. If you do watch them, you definitely don't need to have an opinion over original versus remastered versions (though I will say that high-quality 1980s practical effects are superior to awkward early-00s CGI oddly pasted in). And if by any chance you became a little bit fannish about Star Wars, your friends would surely not indulge you in squee. Promise.