I Can’t Believe I’m Talking About Star Wars Again

[amarie24]

Possible Major Spoiler Warnings



Okay, first things first? Gotta emphasize this disclaimer: I am not a Star Wars person. Or a sci-fi person in general. At all. Whatsoever.

But! Red and I were talking in my celebratory Star Wars thread a while ago and we got into talking about Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker. Specifically, we got to talking about how if Darth Vader could’ve just stayed his ass at the house being a househusband to Senator Padmé and a stay-at-home dad to Leia and Luke, he wouldn’t have gone on the Sith path. Nope, nope!

…This is how much of a sentimental dork I am.

I think of one of white pop culture’s paragons for evil, find out that he has twins and a wife when I research a bit…and I daydream about him being a househusband and stay-at-home dad with my friends.

This is your blog mistress, dears. Pay attention. Pay close, close attention.

Hell, I even had a conversation with another friend about how Darth Vader could heat the bathwater for Leia and Luke before their bedtime. I…naively suggested that he could use his lightsaber, since it’s hot. But she kindly informed me (and I was reading its Wikipedia page at the same time) that that is not a good idea. Because, see, lightsabers are lasers so hot that they cauterize wounds as they cut.

Yikes! They are not bath water-heating material!

So on a side note…does anyone have any idea of how Darth Vader could heat up Leia and Luke’s bath water before their bedtime? I’ve looked into the Force, but outside of moving, levitating, fighting and mind controlling, I don’t see anything could be used to heat up bath water for little kids! Do any of you have ideas besides, uhh…just adjusting the hot water knob, LOL?

…He could use his lightsaber to cook Padmé some dinner, right? I mean, that could be faster than a stove and Padmé is a senator that has some very, very long, tiring days at the office and she’d need dinner immediately.

…Right?

-ahem- Moving on.

But, it turns out that I’m not the only sentimental dork thinking of Darth Vader raising his kids! Everyone, please say hello to Mr. Jeffrey Brown’s work, which I am thrilled to have found! He has written children’s books that humorously show what life would be like if Darth Vader had been taking care of Leia and Luke from the beginning. Here is Vader’s Little Princess, which focuses on him and little Leia. Then we have Darth Vader and Son, which focuses on him and little Luke. And finally, there is Goodnight Darth Vader, which shows poor Darth Vader trying to get his wittle rambunctious twins to go to sleep.

Ahhhh, this is everything I never knew I wanted out of Star Wars! I don’t have any money for books right now, but I absolutely love everything I’ve seen in the samples. Red and I were talking about searching-and sadly not finding or having the time to produce ourselves-some fanfiction featuring daddy!Darth Vader. But now I find out that someone has actually published books on it and it’s just oh-so wonderful! –SQUEEE!!!!-

Now for the spoiler alert!!!

So this fascinating gem came across my dash earlier this morning. It’s quite mind-blowing because it’s a fan that speculates that…Jar Jar is Supreme Leader Snoke! Who, like, is the baddest of the baddest of the baddest of the baddest of all Dark Sith Lords? Like, not even that ugly pasty ass Darth Insidious/Palpatine tops him! OMFG, I read through it and I thought it was so incredible that I just had to share! Hell, I even heard of the thrilling Twitter response to this fan meta from a Mr. Ahmed Best, who I understand was the actor to motion capture Jar Jar originally?

What do you all think about this? This sounds so cool!!!

/Also still on what Darth Vader would use to heat up the bath water and cook Padmé’s dinner. I mean…he’s a Force-using guy, isn’t he? Surely there’s something cooler than just a stove or a hot water knob…

Comments

[wingedbeast]

The thing about that is that I don't notice, in the movies at least, any Force Users who are Force Users on the side. Either their Jedi (an ascetic order of knights) or Sith (devotees of passion). Their respective creeds start off to show their extremity.

Jedi: There is no emotion, only peace.
Sith: Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

That said, hate isn't the only passion. And, the ex-slave-boy could have had a passion of love and a passion of compassion for those who are still slaves, even a passion for the abolition of the practice. And, then, a passion for democratic reform. I'm sorry, Padme, but monarchies... still?

In short, the problem shouldn't have to be solved by Anakin giving up on his personal ambitions. Regardless of whether or not the alternative is a noble way in its own right, it's not his way. It could have been solved with a better way of bringing balance to the Force, by getting the Jedi council to come to *ahem* peace with the fact that the Dark Side is an essential and even healthy part of life.

Shameless plug for my Case for Remaking Star Wars. http://wingedbeast.dreamwidth.org/40319.html

Oh, and she's a rich, rich princess. She can afford personal chefs and a droid who's only job is keeping the water the perfect temperature.

[amarie24]

Hmm...yeah, that's...kind of bugging me. The more I research Star Wars/hear about it from my friends, the more I hear of this...conflation of "passion automatically equals hate". And, uhhh...no.

No, no, no, and well...no.

Fine, the Sith/Empire are not nice people. But I don't think such a conflation is very healthy, least of which because such passion can often be directed at those you love (uhh...Jedi aren't allowed attachments, right???) and stemming from your love of those people, so you can love protecting others.

Personal chefs and a droid?!?! But...what if those aren't there? Say, like, Padmé had to get knocked down a pay grade or pay day is moved from every other Friday to every other month or something. How would Darth Vader cook and make bath water now??? :O

[wingedbeast]

Remember, Padme's a princess/queen. In order for her to get knocked down a pay-grade, Naboo would have to go through a revolution... either that or Naboo is economically suffering much more than Padme and, if Anakin is more interested in Padme's water temperature, I'm pretty sure everybody is evil.

It's a little like the question of if a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody there to hear it. Well, that means all hearing life forms are gone, which means that the tree falling is the end of a terribly lonely life, and our focus on whether or not, technically speaking, a sound occurred is a monstrous priority set.

[amarie24]

God...damn...

I need to stop thinking about this. I have other shit to write. Good god, I have other shit to write...

-can't help but whisper...- I still love the image of Anakin staying home with the kids and Padmé be a boss ass lady in the government, haha!

[wingedbeast]

I do, too. I just also enjoy poking at things like that. ;)

[amarie24]

No, Beast. You don't understand.

I think I'm catching a Star Wars bug.

Fuck my life. @______x

[wingedbeast]

Allow me to compose the appropriate geek response. It's similar to how I respond when someone gets into Terry Pratchett's books or into Harry Dresden.

"Yes, yes. More. Today, you, tomorrow even more people will get my references! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

[amarie24]

BEAST!! You are not helping!!!

You are my friend and you are supposed to be helping me, dammit!! How could you?!?!?!

[wingedbeast]

To paraphrase another cult movie, "geekery takes its toll".

[amarie24]

...You should be ashamed of yourself.

May the Force teach you the error of your ways.

[redsixwing]

The thing about that is that I don't notice, in the movies at least, any Force Users who are Force Users on the side.

Not in the movies, no - but in the books, we have several. (Including my favorite ambiguously-sided character, Vergere.) So I'd at least argue it's possible - after all, not even the Jedi can find all the Force-sensitives out there, and that's with a dedicated force* searching for them.

The conflation of passion and hate is a major problem for both sides, yes.

I do like your case for remaking Star Wars. *s*

*tee hee

[amarie24]

The conflation of passion and hate is a major problem for both sides, yes.

Ahhh...so the Sith people think, "I am passionate! Therefore I am hateful!!!"? Like, they...internalize that conflation? If so, then it's easier to imagine how that Darth Insidious guy got poor Anakin. :(

[wingedbeast]

I think you can make the case that, in Anakin's case, it was the case of Palpatine being a bad teacher and focusing on hate.

The Jedi are, both in their creed and in how they show in the movies, afraid of emotion (and, probably completely unaware of the irony, there). It makes sense that, when they talk about emotion and passion, they discuss the more obviously frightening ones.

[redsixwing]

Like wingedbeast said, I think the Jedi are worse about it than the Sith. Yoda's iconic line is a good summary of it:

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

...leaving exactly zero room for love, for joy, or mourning, or even friendship. Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments* at all - not love for family. Not friendship. Only the vague bond of a community that forbids bonds.

It's pretty awful and tragic, really, and a nasty perversion of a pretty good Buddhist concept.**

Palpatine's a fine example of a fanatic who twists the minds of the people around him, both through Force use and through being a massive narcissist - and even the garden variety can do a number on one's sense of reality.

But the Sith seem to have something of a problem with defining themselves as "we are not the Jedi, and therefore we are everything the Jedi stand against," because THAT always works so well. *sigh*

The Jedi are just as happy to help with that, by ramping the "with us or against us" rhetoric up like George Bush.

*except for the ones who decided that was pants, and bugged out early, but they're EU and I don't know if Disney is keeping them.

**Which, if I understand correctly, is more normally interpreted as, you feel how you feel; you experience what you experience; and that's fine but don't build your identity on the feeling, please.

[amarie24]

...Wow. Yikes.

That pretty much just makes Star Wars sound like the Jedi & Sith are locked in a very, very unhappy marriage. But they're co-dependent on each other and only one of them pays the bills...so they have to stay together. Meanwhile, everyone else-innocent civilians, storm-troopers-that-can't-aim, and even whole planets-are caught in the middle.

And, hell, it ain't even a custody battle.

-wipes tear-

[wingedbeast]

It's part of why I think the Sith tend to be more caricature than character. They're set up so that they define *themselves* as evil... really? Who does that? Who does that and does so openly?

The movies (I don't know about the books) are blatant Jedi propaganda I tells ya!

[redsixwing]

I think you nailed it.


I got together with Star today, who's a huge SW fan, so I mentioned this thread. Star points out that back on Tython, which (EU/Legacy, of course) is the place Force-users originally came from - the sides were called Ashla and Bogan, and people who used one more than the other were considered to be out of balance, and needed to check themselves before they wrecked themselves. (And everything else, as it turns out.)

So: yeah. =/

[wingedbeast]

And, that would be great for the movies, too.

A "source" of the original Force philosophy. If not a recovery of the original philosophy, a building of a new philosophy-of-balance.

The question is do we trust Abrams to explore the *ahem* dark side of the Jedi way?

[wingedbeast]

Is Vergere that character that you mentioned, the one that was unfairly accused of being Dark Side and killed for it?

[redsixwing]

That's the one. ^^

Edit: ofc I have a massive bias toward "a plague on BOTH your houses," and it shows! :D

[wingedbeast]

I may have to read that.

[redsixwing]

She first showed up in the New Jedi Order subseries, which is... polarizing. (And is in it for like two books, sigh.)

I, obviously, like it quite a bit. I'm told that most of the SW fandom disagrees with me.

[redsixwing]

Oh gosh those book previews are pure gold. <3 All the scenes where Vader's terrifying authority is subverted by not being willing to get all Dark Side in front of his kids. Ahahaha!

Well, given what we know of the Force (from the movies and Extended Universe novels, of which I have read an embarrassing number... hey, Star Wars is my flavor of brain popcorn!) - the stove and the hot water knob probably are his best options! xD

The Force isn't really great at the kind of fine manipulation to make heat, but he could probably flip eggs or make a perfect fried steak every time, sans spatula.

I will have to check out that Reddit link when I get home! :DD
Going to laugh so very hard if the most despised character in the prequels turns out to be THE major threat.

Did you see this article with move-by-move comparison of Jar Jar's 'accidental' successes in combat to a Drunken Master's 'sloshing' moves? Oh. My. Word.

[amarie24]

I KNOW, RIGHT?! I love those books!!!

Aww...stove and hot water knob it is, then. And yes, I saw that there are a lot of Star Wars books out there! Even more than I thought there were, gracious, me! So no worries about that. :D

OMFG, Darth Vader flipping eggs & steak for meals for his family...I am dead from cutegasm.

RED!!! That article is saying and showing the exact same things as the other article I linked to! OMG, this is awesome! Nyahahahahaha!

[wingedbeast]

If Lucas had that idea and gone through with it, that would have redeemed Jar Jar. I'm sorry he didn't.

[silveradept]

The Brown books are great - and available at the library, most likely. I've read them.

As for that speculation, if it's true, we still have a lot to complain about with Jar Jar's handling in the Phantom Menace. First, the audience will feel like there wasn't an actual chance to deduce this conclusion. Jar Jar is a non-humanoid creature - his jumping could be something to do with Gungan musculature. Jar Jar becomes a Senator (Ambassador?) from Naboo when Palpatine becomes Chancellor, so being seen with him isn't out of the ordinary. The Phantom Menace could refer to the Trade Federation blockade, a false flag operation designed to get sympathy for a more autocratic government. Jar Jar doesn't mysteriously crack his comedic relief facade temporarily in any places.

There aren't, as best I can tell, any parts that can't be explained through more mundane methods than having to make Jar Jar a Sith Lord. There isn't that one weird thing that refuses to have another explanation.

If it happens, things will likely be seen primarily as trying to make Jar Jar more interesting, rather than as following the plot that's that were dangled in the previous movies.

That, and Machete Order will have to rework itself somewhat. Probably Episode I before Episode VII.

[amarie24]

...Dang. That's...that's all so, so, so insightful, even though I barely understand half of the references you're making.

Ummm, but you DO realize that you're raining on a lot of people's parades, right? LOL!

[silveradept]

Absolutely. And not raining so much as pointing out that even if it's right, there's still a decade's worth of animosity toward the character that has to be worked through.

Jar Jar's species name is Gungan, according to the movies, and much of what I was describing was the plot of The Phantom Menace.

this is Machete Order - a method of watching original trilogy and prequel trilogy movies to make a coherent story. Warning for zOMG Spoilers about the narrative arc of Star Wars.

[amarie24]

...Why did you link that Machete Order when surely you know that I am catching a Star Wars bug?

Why?

I'm not reading Star Wars. I'm not watching Star Wars. I have shit to write. I'm busy.

How could you do this to me? Why?

[silveradept]

Because if you want to see all of Star Wars, it's my obligation to provide you with a method by which it will be enjoyable. Thus:

IV, V, II, III, VI, and I when you feel like it.

[amarie24]

..."Your obligation".

Are you serious.

Next thing you know, Imma be writing Star Wars fanfiction with all or majority black women characters and you and Beast will have no one but yourselves to fucking blame.

[silveradept]

Mwa-ha, Mwa-ha-ha, Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha, etc. The world needs more of it, as most of the strong women of Star Wars are aliens (Ahsoka, Hera) or white (Leia, Padme). There's obviously sums, but we could use more.

[amarie24]

You know, when you put that "etc." on the end of that laughing? It made me imagine that I can hear you laughing in a very dry, sardonic manner, teeheehee! If you don't mind me asking, do you have such a laugh in real life?

...I'm already thinking of a married black lesbian power couple. One is a BAMF Jedi and the other is the queen of [insert weird ass planet name]. They share a daughter that, I guess is...torn between a Jedi path vs. a political/diplomacy path? Jedi!Mama trains her in the palace with real lightsabers and queen!Mommy will come screaming out of an intergalactic conference at them to use the goddamn kiddie lightsabers ONLY, or else geddafuckoutta the house and don't come back until dinner time.

I'm already thinking of it.

I can't stand you so, so much right now.

[tinygrainofrice.wordpress.com]

1) the Jedi/Sith divide reminds me strongly (because I'm THAT flavor of geek) of the Seelie/Unseelie courts in Changeling: the Dreaming :) Unseelie have a reputation, like the Sith, of being evil; unlike Star Wars, however, the makers of the game recognize that their actual defining feature is that they value passion and freedom over order and peace. So while yes, that makes SOME of them selfish unpredictable bastards, not all passion is harmful (just as not all order is good.) I wish we'd been able to see some recognition of that among the Sith.

2) The theory about Jar Jar is GLORIOUS and reminds me of one of my favorite gaming stories, about someone accepting a challenge to create an absolutely terrifying Gungan. (I've been trying to write it out, but I'm not sure I can do justice to both the dialect and the sheer cool controlled menace in the voice over text...)

[amarie24]

Kristycat! Thank goodness you're here!

Please help me-I am catching a Star Wars bug and I have no defenders against it! Please, please, please tell me that you're on my side!!! D:

[tinygrainofrice.wordpress.com]

I HAVE BEEN RESISTING FOR YEARS. STAY STRONG.

...although admittedly depizan's OCs are NOT HELPING.

[amarie24]

I AM GOING TO STAY STRONG, DESPITE DEPI'S OCs!!! IMMA DO IT! IMMA STAY STRONG!!!

[pebblerocker]

Oh wow, those daddy Darth Vader books are adorable!

Let me help you with that Star Wars problem you're starting to have. You definitely don't want to watch any Star Wars movies, no indeed. If you do watch them, you definitely don't need to have an opinion over original versus remastered versions (though I will say that high-quality 1980s practical effects are superior to awkward early-00s CGI oddly pasted in). And if by any chance you became a little bit fannish about Star Wars, your friends would surely not indulge you in squee. Promise.

[amarie24]

I know, right?! Oh-so very adorable! I'm so glad that I could find them and share them with all of you. ^ ^

And as far as watching Star Wars...my dear friend, it is quite simply already too late for me. Alas. v.v