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Letting go of Control
Saturday, June 18th, 2022 08:37 pmYou know, I’ve had a hard-won lesson that’s been creeping up on me since my late 20s, especially when dealing with my mother and sisters’ neuroses (particularly when it comes to the men they choose in their lives): not being in control/not being able to control something doesn’t automatically mean you’re powerless or helpless.
It quite often feels that way and for good reason, but I’m learning that’s not automatically what it means.
When you have control over something, that also means you’re responsible for it-you’re accountable for it. And so when you’re not in control, it means you can and should abdicate all responsibility and accountability for the situation. You don’t have to blame yourself; you don’t have to ruminate on why x person didn’t listen to you; you don’t have to stay stuck on “If only x happened at y time!”; you don’t have to let it define or even partially shape you.
You can let that go; you can drop that. It was never something for you to carry and it never will be.
I’m not preaching from the soapbox-it’s still extremely difficult for me to let a lot of things go, especially when it comes to people I love and who love me in turn. I still struggle with going ‘round and ‘round the mind-torturing loops I mentioned above. I still struggle with turning my mind to things that not only do I control, but things that bring me comfort, enjoyment, and safety.
Being able to shed an illusion of control is being able to shed an illusion of the burden of blame.
I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but this has certainly helped me. I’m still hurt by a lot of things and I think I always will be, but starting to understand when I need to let go of control/believing I can control things helps me breathe so, so much easier.
--Amarie
It quite often feels that way and for good reason, but I’m learning that’s not automatically what it means.
When you have control over something, that also means you’re responsible for it-you’re accountable for it. And so when you’re not in control, it means you can and should abdicate all responsibility and accountability for the situation. You don’t have to blame yourself; you don’t have to ruminate on why x person didn’t listen to you; you don’t have to stay stuck on “If only x happened at y time!”; you don’t have to let it define or even partially shape you.
You can let that go; you can drop that. It was never something for you to carry and it never will be.
I’m not preaching from the soapbox-it’s still extremely difficult for me to let a lot of things go, especially when it comes to people I love and who love me in turn. I still struggle with going ‘round and ‘round the mind-torturing loops I mentioned above. I still struggle with turning my mind to things that not only do I control, but things that bring me comfort, enjoyment, and safety.
Being able to shed an illusion of control is being able to shed an illusion of the burden of blame.
I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but this has certainly helped me. I’m still hurt by a lot of things and I think I always will be, but starting to understand when I need to let go of control/believing I can control things helps me breathe so, so much easier.
--Amarie
