And the Emotions be A'Rollin'...

[amarie24]

I am so fucking angry today, Jesus Christ almighty on a cucumber…

Just so many bad memories coming up from so many angles and I can’t squash them down quickly enough. Anger at my fuckass nursing program, anger at classmates who I thought were my friends, anger at my mother, anger at the teacher that wouldn’t teach and victim blamed me so brazenly, anger at my mother holy fucking shit history is flaring up. I’ve literally been tearing up, yelling the shit I want to yell at all of these people, and otherwise being too much on a hot wire to even cuddle my cat or try to write.

I guess it’s part of the grief process, but I hate this tight, hot feeling in my chest-I grew up with that shit and I know I’ll always know this feeling.

I’m just so, so angry.

I’m gonna go see the new Dragon Ball Super: Broly movie and the Bumblebee movie tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll help me calm down…

Comments

[lonespark]

oh no I'm sorry

It's definitely a normal healthy part of the grieving process, but it sucks sooooo bad!!!

I hope you have some things to do to process it? I read a book called Unfuck Your Brain that was helpful with some stuff like that.

*offers cyber hugs or smiles or calming music or fic or whatever it is that give you most good feelings*

[amarie24]

Oh yes, I've got some help! Like I said, tomorrow Imma take an Uber to get me out the house and see some movies! And I'm also due to see my therapist next Tuesday, in the morning.

Unfuck Your Brain, you say? Ohhh, I've heard of that book before-I think I'll look into it, so thank you!

I've also taken a nap earlier this afternoon, so that helped mellow me out quite a bit.

-hugs you back and enjoys the calming music and reading fic- Thank you, darling friend. Thank you, thank you!!!

[silveradept]

I hope the movies are entertaining.

I'm sorry about the angry ball. Have you got a nice resonant place to yell? There's sometimes something really good about being able to sound like a thunderstorm.

[amarie24]

Oh, I'm sure they will be-I've heard great things about both of them!

Uhh...no place to yell, exactly. At least not where I can do so without worrying about alarming someone, LOL! But thank you, Silver-I took a nap and that helped mellow me out. ^ ^

[jewelfox]

I don't know what happened to you, because I disappeared and have been away for awhile. But I'm so sorry it happened. I hope the films help ... I hope you'll be okay. I hope you won't hate me after what I'm going to try to talk about on my journal.

[amarie24]

Yeah, I'm sure the movies will help (had to postpone it today, since the weather is TERRIBLE). Umm...why would I hate you, tho...???

[jewelfox]

Um ... this is why.

Better luck tomorrow. >//>

[amarie24]

...Oh, sweetheart, I don't hate you. I could never hate you-least of all for something like this.

If anything, I only hate all the turmoil & pain you've suffered to get to the point where you realized you're trans & you want to go do something about it.

Beyond that, I'm proud that you've realized something that's truly beautiful and wonderful about yourself. I'm happy that you're closer and closer to being who you want to be.

And I am honored that you've shared such a thing with me.

You are my friend. And though we don't talk all that much, I do not and cannot hate you. I love you just as you are, however you are.

-hugs you tight, tight, tight-

[jewelfox]

Aw, thank you >//>

*hugs back*

[amarie24]

No need for thanks, darling love. You just keep being your best self, huh?

I am proud of you and I love you the way you are. ^ ^

[jewelfox]

Hee, same to you. ^^; You've dealt with a lot, and we're cheering for you.

[amarie24]

Aww, thank you, sweetie! Thank you oh-so very, very much!! :D :D