And the Emotions be A'Rollin'...
Monday, January 28th, 2019 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I am so fucking angry today, Jesus Christ almighty on a cucumber…
Just so many bad memories coming up from so many angles and I can’t squash them down quickly enough. Anger at my fuckass nursing program, anger at classmates who I thought were my friends, anger at my mother, anger at the teacher that wouldn’t teach and victim blamed me so brazenly, anger at my mother holy fucking shit history is flaring up. I’ve literally been tearing up, yelling the shit I want to yell at all of these people, and otherwise being too much on a hot wire to even cuddle my cat or try to write.
I guess it’s part of the grief process, but I hate this tight, hot feeling in my chest-I grew up with that shit and I know I’ll always know this feeling.
I’m just so, so angry.
I’m gonna go see the new Dragon Ball Super: Broly movie and the Bumblebee movie tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll help me calm down…
Just so many bad memories coming up from so many angles and I can’t squash them down quickly enough. Anger at my fuckass nursing program, anger at classmates who I thought were my friends, anger at my mother, anger at the teacher that wouldn’t teach and victim blamed me so brazenly, anger at my mother holy fucking shit history is flaring up. I’ve literally been tearing up, yelling the shit I want to yell at all of these people, and otherwise being too much on a hot wire to even cuddle my cat or try to write.
I guess it’s part of the grief process, but I hate this tight, hot feeling in my chest-I grew up with that shit and I know I’ll always know this feeling.
I’m just so, so angry.
I’m gonna go see the new Dragon Ball Super: Broly movie and the Bumblebee movie tomorrow. Hopefully it’ll help me calm down…
no subject
Date: 2019-01-30 11:52 pm (UTC)If anything, I only hate all the turmoil & pain you've suffered to get to the point where you realized you're trans & you want to go do something about it.
Beyond that, I'm proud that you've realized something that's truly beautiful and wonderful about yourself. I'm happy that you're closer and closer to being who you want to be.
And I am honored that you've shared such a thing with me.
You are my friend. And though we don't talk all that much, I do not and cannot hate you. I love you just as you are, however you are.
-hugs you tight, tight, tight-
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 04:06 am (UTC)*hugs back*
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 11:10 am (UTC)I am proud of you and I love you the way you are. ^ ^
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 11:16 am (UTC)Hee, same to you. ^^; You've dealt with a lot, and we're cheering for you.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 11:23 am (UTC)